MANY THINGS WERE NOT RIGHT AT HOME
I met a woman whose story, whose situation changed my life. It could have been different for her. It would have been a simple fix. How can these things still happen in our day in age?
In a session one day we covered a time in her life shortly after she had been in a quad accident. Her leg had been badly fractured. She developed a bone infection requiring trips to the hospital for antibiotics and was still needing crutches to get around.
TRAUMA IS PASSED DOWN
Many things were not right at home. Her children were struggling as well. Trauma is passed down every bit as much as language skills are, the favorite family treats like Nanaimo bars and funny stories. Karen was trying to cope with some of the emotional outbursts of her children and no-one was doing well. She found a program to take her son, something she feels deeply about today, that she failed him and he may never forgive her. At the same time, her other children who had been staying with her ex came home. They brought home cats who had kittens, and there were already cats in the house with kittens. The house was overrun. She was not able to take care of everything being a single mom, being on crutches and on top of that, the cats were no longer using the litter box. Her world was falling apart.
HER SENSE OF FAILURE AS A MOTHER...
As she talked to me, the force of the trauma of this time spilled over into her voice as her voice quavered. She felt battered, her sense of failure as a mother, her need to try even harder today to fix what happened in the past. She deals with depression, anxiety and a sense of loss over her life. She recalls when her sister and mother came to help and the deep shame she felt as they cleaned up. She loves her family, her children. She struggles to keep the family together with family dinners and birthdays.
She loves them and is afraid she will never be enough.
THEY WERE PUT IN TEMPORARY FOSTER CARE
Karen, her brother, and sister had been put in temporary foster care for two years when they were still toddlers and their parents struggling financially. It left its mark. It was traumatizing for the three children and for the parents. The trauma remained and was passed down to her children. Not because Karen did not love them. Trauma cripples the emotional part of us. It does not matter whether it was the famines in the '30s, a car accident or something from war times.
Families love each other and work around issues that arise. Those workarounds become a part of the passing down of trauma.
I see her life. She could have healed this as a child, or as a teenager – even as a young adult. She is entering her 60's. Her children are living through the marks of trauma also. How many lives have been touched? How much suffering that could have been avoided? It could have been a simple fix.
I look at her and her life and I feel such deep sadness. Neither she nor her children needed to have such pain in their lives. It is needless suffering.
Her life is not lost though. There is always hope and there is the future and her life will turn around. She is getting better every day. She is setting boundaries, feeling her sense of self-esteem return. Her life is returning. Hope is returning.
This work is something like having a chiropractic adjustment. Something is out of place and ‘stuck'. When it is sorted out it puts esteem back on the map, it helps sort out confusion and life returns.
Karen's story, her courage, and perseverance, her strength speak to me. Seeing how her life could have been different, I found myself standing up and saying, "It is enough." No one's life is unimportant. Everyone matters. I realize that most everyone is dealing with what life has brought to them but we also have an indifference, a carelessness with what is precious.
We have forgotten our humanity.
Karen's story is not unique. She is one of millions of people in Canada and the US who suffer in a silence, often not seen. They are disregarded and that is the shame that is upon us who know how to heal. The world is callous for those who have wounds of heart.
PEOPLE SUFFER IN A SILENCE, OFTEN NOT SEEN...
Karen is coming up 60 this year and has had multiple traumas during her lifetime. I have known her quite some time but have only been working with her for the past year or so. She has dealt with depression and anxiety. For a long time, Karen had trouble doing many simple things throughout the day feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. She had trouble thinking, being scattered and unable to keep a focus.
She is coming out of this right now, and recently she had a knee replacement.
Karen has given me her permission to put this article up for you to read.
I also want to mention I have no degrees and have written an article about my PSTD I had some 30 years ago. I healed myself and developed a process I used in my spiritual work. Somewhere along the line, I realized this process was also useful in helping people with inner conflict. During the time I was using this process, I also started removing some of the spiritually related elements because I felt that it was like the discovery of a lightbulb. If I am Catholic, Protestant or follow some other religion, you would not need to believe in God to turn the light on!
I am currently writing an article to share my story and the development of this process. I have called the process Accipio, and within the circles (group sessions) I commonly call it Whiteboard Work and Work circles. I have had further epiphanies recently. I see what I have is adding another layer to psychology creating a depth perception. This layer is the psychology of emotion. The depth perception creates the ability to heal some mental trauma issues. I am calling it Quantum Psychology. (My article regarding PTSD How I survived PTSD).